SWINTON

Oh, SWINTON. You have improved my life in so many ways. I have become so enamored by your bizarre sense of the avant-garde that the medium size blog pic wouldn't do, I actually chose large just now when every other post has gotten medium. Only for you, SWINTON.

Tilda Swinton, or SWINTON as she has been deemed worthy, entered my life via the Fug Girls a few weeks ago. Since then I have been slightly obsessed (quite obsessed) with reading up on her personal life and professional activity. As Annie would say, the girl is a Looney Toon. As Katie would say, she's total nuts. Nuts4Nuts, actually (which is Katie's favorite food. And if you live in New York you think that's really funny). And we love her.

For proof, enter seven reasons that SWINTON has improved humanity:

1. This outfit that she wore to the 2008 Oscars when she won for Best Supporting Actress. What at first glance is nothing but a garbage bag for an amputee is actually a statement of high fashion and well thought genuis. Lanvin commented that he made this gown specifically for Tilda Swinton because he knew she would win and therefore wanted to give the world nothing but an arm to hold that statue. Its my favorite Oscar gown to date.

2. She founded a film fest for which this is the Wikipedia description:

A while ago, on an impulse, a quixotic seizure, Tilda Swinton rented a ballroom in an old Victorian stone building in Nairn in the North East of Scotland, a seaside town where Charlie Chaplin used to holiday and which has a balmy microclimate.

After renting the Ballerina, Swinton took Mark Cousins to see the place – they were making a wee film about being 8 1/2 and falling in love with cinema – and he loved it and so, together, they dreamt up a festival of beanbags on the floor, that would run 8 1/2 days, that would be a 6 out of ten on the grunge scale, that would serve home-made cakes and fish finger sandwiches, whose tickets would be £3/£2,or free if you took a tray of home-baking, and that would transform the Ballerina into something like a ghost train.

She is SO FREAKING COOL. Also, did SWINTON herself write that paragraph for Wikipedia?! Sounds like it. And if not, can I PLEASE hire whomever did to write my life's story someday? At any rate, I want to go to this festival very, very badly.

3. She lives in Nairn, a small escapist town in the Scotish Highlands, far away from Hollywood and the British press. That is a good enough point on its own, but to top it, she lives with her Husband who is a very fabulous painter, and her twin son and daughter Xavier and Honor. (Aren't those just the most perfect SWINTON names you could think of!?). And if THAT weren't enough, she also spends much of her time with her husband-approved-lover, another painter named Sandro. Therefore, her marriage is polyamorous but platonic. When asked about the situation, SWINTON answers, "It’s the way we have been for nearly four years. I’m very fortunate. It takes some extraordinary men to make a situation like that work." Also note that she uses the word 'extraordinary' which is really cool.

4. The fore-mentioned Fug Girls once spoke of SWINTON like this:

I've often felt like SWINTON would be a welcome addition to the fictional team of celebrity life coaches I have assembled for myself. Like, Tim Gunn is clearly on that team, because he would give me kind yet constructive criticism whenever I did something that concerned him. And Kelly Clarkson would be there for when I decided I needed a super-catchy anthem about a boy I hate (or love to hate. Or hate to love). And SWINTON would be around in case I needed someone to grab me and say, "TREASURE THE AVANT-GARDE. I CAN PULL IT OFF AND SO CAN YOU!" (She would be wrong about my being able to pull it off, but it would be nice and supportive.)

I couldn't agree more, Fug Girls. I just couldn't agree more.

5. In addition to being an absolutely extraordinary (see, I can use the word too, SWINTON!) actor, SWINTON is also a performance artist. What type of performance artist, you ask? Well...

A few years ago she slept (or pretended to sleep) in a glass case for a few weeks for public viewing in London. That's right. SHE SLEPT IN A GLASS CASE FOR A FEW WEEKS FOR PUBLIC VIEWING IN LONDON. Can you see any other actor taking this leap into the deeper meaning of performance? Like, can you see Jennifer Aniston in this box? I love crazy art like this. And I love you, SWINTON, for being this crazy.

6. This photo spread in Another magazine. Thank you, fashion, for allowing this to happen. She looks coo-coo-crazy and LOVES fashion, but only super intense avant-garde fashion like Victor & Rolf and Lanvin. She likes wearable art and isn't afraid of looking a bit off. (Also, she kind of looks like a mix between Clay Aiken and a super pale alien but somehow manages to be jaw-droppingly beautiful and chic at the same time. Extraordinary.)

7. I recently had a conversation with my sister Laura in which I was a little down and confused about my life until I remembered SWINTON. We both decided that if Tilda Swinton had the same problem she would never waste precious brain power and emotional energy contimlating it. Move on, she would say. Walk proud and unashamed and embrace the avant-garde! (In my mind she is contastantly reminding us to embrace the avant-garde.) Laura was laughing so hard she was in tears that I found my strength in Tilda Swinton, but whatever. Everyone needs a muse.