Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Falling in Love.

Love, Love, Love is a collection of essays written by one of my most memorable professors at St. Olaf College, Charles Taliaferro. In the essay with the same title, Charles speaks of the epic, grandiose concept of love with his dying father. "You know, Dad, when you get to the other side, there might be lots of questions. I hear that it's a good idea to say the word 'love' a lot." Shortly thereafter, his father takes his last breaths, squeezes his son's hand three times and whispers, "Love. Love. Love."

On a similar (lighter?) note, my dance instructor, Corey Hill (the magnificent) often says that words are best when repeated. I think its because he is too excited to say anything once... 'Here we go, here we go!' 'one more, one more!' 'dance, dance, dance!' 'its Britney, Its Britney!'...

Since I moved to New York City slightly over a year and a half ago, I too have come to realize exactly what this epic and grandiose concept can do... what power it can have. I have fallen in love time and time again with its streets, with its light, with its vigor, and its grace. I love its people and its energy and its temperance. New York taught me how to love unconditionally and what the word unrequited means. It taught me that loving is enough, and something we can absolutely choose to do. (It is a choice, ah ha!) Its fluid and easy and simple... its sharp, and biting, and clear.

However, in the recent past, New York and I have experienced the opposite of love: heartbreak (not hatred, yo). The city’s streets are screaming with economic upheaval, my dear friends' hearts are breaking over jobs, grad school, friendships, and boys. We are crying over stress and homework and deceit. It’s awful. I feel myself falling, failing, and flailing and realizing that there are things in this world that I can't make happen... things that I cannot fix. This is new to me.

Until this point I have rested my trust on the belief that I can create the very world I want to live in out of dust, and clay, out of paint and generosity. But I am quickly learning that I cannot create everything. I suddenly find myself beliving in crazy ideas like destiny for the first time. 'Destiny' being a future and livelihood beyond my control. This 'destiny' is happening to me whether I like it or not. And its kind of the best feeling ever.

I am left with an intensity to love as much as I can... to let go and fall head over heels with this city. With this beautiful old Building and Loan. There is nothing to do but release this heartbreak and start my own love story. And there is SO MUCH to fall in love with. So much to love me back.

New York love comes in many forms (and cliches) and, as Corey Hill so joyously taught me, are best when repeated. Best told over and over. So here is my small attempt at sharing my intense, crazy, and passionate New York love. That's what a blog is, right? A way to share so that others may repeat? Well, if so... these are the things that I love, love, love.


Lauren Haugen said...

You look so beautiful in your pictures!

HuntsinKorea said...

What a wonderful post! I enjoyed reading about your thoughts and perpective on LOVE! You are beautiful!
I miss you! It was so good to have you at our wedding! Im so glad you used those pics! They..YOU look so good!